Rainy Day

Today, it rained heavily. In fact, it was one of the heaviest thunderstorm I have experienced ever since I returned. It seems like heaven knew I was in a downcast mood. At this moment, I am lost. Everything is swirling around me too fast, so fast that I could not catch my breath up with it. So fast that I am afraid I might be sucked into this twirl without realizing it and I might regret years later. What happened to the dreams that I once had? What happened to my ambitions?

On a lighter note, since it was raining so heavily, I had no choice but to whip out my old trusty umbrella. Here are some pictures of me camwhoring with my umbrella.

Cute?

All dressed up with my sock and necklace and ready to leave the house

with rainy love,
bear bear

And so I heard,

"Perfection hurts. Living in a world where perfection is expected, but yet the world itself is largely imperfect. The heart has long been numbed by the flurry of propaganda, especially during this month of celebration of the nation's birthday. In fact, it hurts so much that I could never be proud to declare of my nationality, to declare that I am part of a country that cares more about building its relations with other countries rather than caring for its own people. Evident from scholarships without bonds for students from other countries and lack of unemployment benefits, enough said.



Others view us as a mixture breed nestled within Southeast Asia. We have no long history to be proud of. If probed further about our line of ancestry, we might even face difficulty in answering. Sometimes, I wish hard that I know my roots. Propaganda sure does a good job in trying to establish my roots through "this is home truly, where I know I must be". Seriously, hell no. Just like my ancestors who had floating roots and floated all the way to here, I believe that it is in my genes to have floating roots. As such, if the opportunities do arise elsewhere, I would certainly float there, just like what my ancestors have done. Home is only what you make out of it.



Admittedly, education here is considered to be one of the top. This is especially so since our education system is conducted mainly in English, with the topping of second language classes. Such an education system allows us to be able to study abroad without any language concerns, as compared to some other countries. Moreover, as much as we do actually have no language barrier, most of us have language capabilities that are "neither here nor there". A better phrase would be "jack of both languages, master of none". Of course, this may not be applicable to everyone here. But I am sure some people out there feel the same way as I do. When asked about what is our native language, I could sense both my Caucasian and Chinese classmates shooting their eyebrows up. I know, even I find it hard to believe it myself since I am sharing the same native languages but I could never speak as well as either of them. Perhaps the worst truth is that not many of us even know or use our own national language. Personally, I do not even have any idea what our national song means. It is very disheartening and to a certain extent, pathetic. What is the point of appointing a particular language to be our national language when it is not used daily by the majority in our nation?



It may be so that this country is safe internally and tries to build up its relationships with the rest of the nations to ensure its external security. But as gamers would know, it always sucks to be in a small alliance where you have to constantly defend yourself and your alliance members against the big bully. If given a choice, I would join a strong big alliance."

with love,
bear bear

Love

1 Corinthians 13

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


T.I Feat Justin Timberlake - Dead and Gone



with love,
bear bear

in memory

i have never liked memorials. yes, it is a session for those in grief to express themselves and share their feelings with one another. yes, it is a session for people to share their fond memories of their loved one. and it is also then did you realize that you dont actually know all aspects of that person's life. it makes you miss him or her even more. it makes you wish you have had more time to spend with him or her. after the entire event, emptiness starts to set in and you're back to the cold harsh reality.

it has nothing to do with the memorial of mj. i am just referring to memorials in general, if you know what i mean.

nonetheless, rest in peace, mj. the world appreciates all your contributions to the pop music world.

Excerpt from Will You Be There - Michael Jackson

"In our darkest hour

In my deepest despair

Will you still care?

Will you be there?

In my trials and my tripulations

Through our doubts and frustrations

In my violence in my turbulence

Through my fear and my confessions

In my anguish and my pain

Through my joy and my sorrow

In the promise of another tomorrow

I'll never let you part

For you're always in my heart"

with a heavy heart,

bear bear

Dear UIUC

Thanks for your care

Thanks for your constant encouragement

Thanks for the friendly smiles of familiar faces

Thanks for showing me that I can be better than who I really am

Thanks for instilling in me confidence

Thanks for stretching me to my limit

Thanks for the enjoyable classes (can be boring at times)

Thanks for the interesting and friendly professors (few not though)

Thanks for all the knowledge you have imparted to me

Thanks for improving my presentation skills

Thanks for showing me that great things come to those who seek it

Thanks for the opportunities granted to me

Thanks for the cool learning environment (wonderful classroom acoustics and plugs)

Thanks for helping me to grow and develop in my own way

Thanks for opening up my world

Thanks for allowing me to interact with people I will never dream of meeting before

Thanks for the super fast high speed internet

Thanks for the expensive learning materials (not really =p)

Thanks for the super duper long accountancy classes

Thanks for the challenging finance case studies

Thanks for the cheap thrill of collecting back money from Henry administration building

Thanks for the shudder of my most dreaded Math classes in Atgeld Hall

Thanks for the entertaining General Education modules in Gregory Hall

Thanks for the Architecture building where I got to showcase my creativity and have a hands-on experience in designing and making jewelery from scratch -- plain copper/silver/bronze metal piece

Thanks for the useful Rhetoric classes in English Building

Thanks for the grand Foellinger Auditorium where I first met both President Joseph White and Chancellor Richard Herman and had my undergraduate Commencement Ceremony

Thanks for the beautiful Illini Union which was one of the first buildings that greeted me upon my arrival (nice student meeting place and hotel all within one building )

Thanks for the fun memory of Snow Day 2007 when school was closed for 2 days (Chancellor's Valentine's Day gift for us)

Thanks for the beautiful school surroundings (makes me stop my pace to marvel in awe at times)

Thanks for the meeting rooms in both undergraduate and Grainger libraries

Thanks for the brightly lighted Illini Union Vending Machine rooms

Thanks for the presence of cute squirrels and rabbits (though i wish they would watch out more for traffic whilst crossing the road)

Thanks for Espresso Royale Cafe (only to be found in this campus)

Thanks for the friendly MTD bus drivers

Thanks for the ever-changing infamous Green Street (never fail to see new stores opening and old stores disappearing)

Thanks for the efficient graduate departments and not so efficient undergraduate departments

Thanks for the old school mascot of Chief Illiniwek

Thanks for allowing me to be part of the student referendum in the decision of the retirement of the school mascot

Thanks for all the amazing memories that can be found in the middle of a cornfield area

and finally,

Thanks for the chance to allow me to be a proud alumni of you

I will always hold you close to my heart and miss you when I'm gone

Here's a picture of unglamorous me and beary who just graduated. Congrats =)

with graduation cap and gown,

bear bear

twitter

i'm now on twitter!!!!!

*excited*

why join twitter?

coz everyone who is cool joins twitter

and i'm a cool bear =)

Follow me on:

http://twitter.com/withlovebear

with love,
cool bear bear

p.s: okay, i've gotta admit that i'm not so cool to update twitter every hour or so. nonetheless, i'll try my best.

elitist bear bear

so anyway, jie jie and i were doing the famous "which singaporean elite school do you belong to?" facebook application and here's our results:

Jie jie's result: Dunman High School
You think that you are different from other elite schools.You probably know the difference between a yangqin and a liuqin. You believe that you are better than them, as evinced in your world-views and personal experiences. And in most cases, you are right. That is until, you find yourself inevitably sucked into the rat race. You sometimes resent yourself for turning into the competitive and unfeeling creature that you really are not. Otherwise, you are generally good-natured, kind-hearted and frown upon vicious competition. In your quiet moments, you think "Luck is all I need".

My result: Raffles Girls School
You are smart and motivated. In fact, you've been motivated since you were in nursery school. Sometimes, you wish you can unleash your inner being (either the rebellious ah lian or the slutty-party animal). You tend to giggle a little too much. You want to do everything because you feel that you are expected to do everything. In your quiet moments, you think "How did I become so lucky"?

when jie jie saw her result, she was like "wtf!!!" she claims that her result is not true at all as she doesn't know the difference between a yangqin and a liuqin. in fact, she doesn't even know the existence of these two musical instruments till this quiz. all this while, i was laughing away with kitty. i guess mine is accurate to a certain extent since i actually do own the rgs uniform for bears. hee~

so have you tried this facebook application?

with love,
rafflesian bear bear

p.s: kor kor just did his quiz and his result was accurate! lol
p.p.s: kor kor requested me to post his results. so here it is:

Kor kor's result:
You believe in yourself. You REALLY believe in yourself. You think it is very abnormal to not have a stressful education. You have your career plan mapped out since your first semester in Secondary One. You like the color of your uniform so much that many of you wear that uniform for life. You believe that you reap what you sow and human ingenuity is limitless. In your quiet moments, you think "I deserve to be lucky!"

guess what this school is!

bathroom issues

if you can have $5 or a 0.1% chance of getting $5,000, which option would you choose?

most people would probably choose 0.1% chance of getting $5,000, which is akin to buying a lottery ticket. this accounts for the lottery ticket market.

now, if you have to pay $5 or a 0.1% chance of paying $5,000, which option would you choose?

most people would now probably choose the payment of $5 since there is a tendency to be risk adverse. this is similar to buying an insurance.

interesting, ain't it?

on a completely different sidenote, jie jie wonders what her bathroom mate (who shares the same bathroom with jie jie) majors in. her bathroom mate is ALWAYS hogging the bathroom for like forever and it is as if she doesn't need to leave her room to attend classes or whatsoever. *wonders what's so attractive about the bathroom* daily activities of HER in the bathroom includes washing laundry, chatting on phone whilst shitting in the toilet, washing the toilet but not making it clean (in other words, making the entire toilet floor wet), filling up pails of water just so she can wash her room, on top of peeing, pooping and showering. jie jie doesn't really mind it when she doesn't need the toilet. but when 人有三急, it can be pretty inconvenient, considering that she loves to hog the bathroom for the longest period of time. her track record is hogging the bathroom for up to 2 hours in a setting. -_-"

so how much time do you spend in your bathroom every day?

with love,
pooping bear bear

happy international pillow fight day!

april 4th marks the day for everyone to join in a mass pillow fight!

woo hoo isn't it fun? it can be painful though, but it's all in the good nature of fun. jie jie currently has 4 pillows on her bed, which is quite weird considering that she has only 1 head. nonetheless, jie jie is kind enough to let me have one of the pillows :)

kitty also has her own pillow, but for strange reason, she likes my pillow more and always come over to snatch my pillow away from me :( when i am in good mood, i will let her have one side of the pillow. however, if i am in a foul mood, i will kick her out of the bed.

anyway, here's a clip from the international pillow fight held in chicago near the arts museum. it's a pretty long clip, so there's really no point in watching the full clip unless u are really interested.




off to engage in a pillow fight with kitty now!

with pillows and cotton and feathers all over,
bear bear

jai ho

are u my jai ho (destiny)???

jie jie and i are sooooo addicted to this catchy song from the movie "slumdog millionaire". it's such a clever remix by pussycat dolls. somehow, they manage to turn the original "indian-flavored" song that is aligned with tunes from various traditional instruments into their usual sluttish americanized pop song. interesting, isn't it?

even the movie itself is sort of catered for international audience. the main actor is from U.K and has never set foot into his home country prior to the filming of this movie. nonetheless, i still love this movie. in particular, i have a crush on the cute little boy who jumped into the pile of dung just to meet his favorite idol. (aww.....)


here's his picture:



cute right??? (*blush blush*) i know, he looks so adorable even though he isn't exactly in his best pose.

Two versions of "Jai Ho" remix by Pussycat Dolls:






with love,
slumbear millionaire (i wish!)

Curtis Orchard

Here's sharing some long over due pictures taken on a lil trip to curtis orchard (80 acre-farm with over 4500 apple trees and 20 acres of pumpkin - according to their website) during fall last year when the weather was much warmer than now. Jie jie said that the weather now is crazy, all thanks to global warming. It is currently spring season but yet it is snowing. i wish the weather could be more constant so that i can enjoy the nice spring weather fully instead of having to endure the weather that swings between spring and winter.

Curtis Orchard with many many apple trees!

Crates of pumpkins just in time for Halloween pumpkin-carving

This gal dragging the cart with a pumpkin is so adorable.

Do you think she is cuter or me?

i know, the photo of her is not very clear.

(i did it on purpose. hee~)

Apples on an apple tree (duh)

Close up of an apple

Butterfly on the ground amidst the fallen apples.

These apples are mostly rotting and disgusting.

Pumpkin patch

Unripe pumpkin (i think, or maybe it's watermelon)

Popping corn waiting to be popped on-the-cob in the microwave oven.

That's all for now. =)

with love,

bear bear

nobody enters into a relationship, hoping that it would fail.
it's just wrong.

Here's "Lucky" by Jason Mraz feat Colbie Caillat



It's a pity that Jason Mraz's concert is held on the weekend before the finals. Otherwise, i would have attended it.

with love,
bear bear

p.s: we went to grand rapids at michigan this spring break. pictures will be posted up soon.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!! =)

with love,
drunk bear bear

quotey quotes

"Sometimes we're on a collision course, and we just don't know it. Whether it's by accident or by design, there's not a thing we can do about it."

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

- my favorite quotes adopted from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button -

with love,
bear bear

What if God was one of us???

Dear God,

what will i be in the future?
will i get a job?
will i get promoted?
how will my job interview go?
will i ever get clean?
who is going to feed me?
who is going to clothe me?
where will i get that large sum of money?
will i ever get cured?
will i ever get out of prostitution?
will i ever get out of drug addiction?
will i ever find my soulmate?
will i ever get laid?
will i ever get married?
will i ever get over him?
will she ever forgive me?
does he love me?
does she love me?
how's my family?
why didn't he call back?
why did he leave?
why is the world so evil?
will there ever be peace?
am i gay?
will i ever lose weight?
will i ever gain weight?
will i ever grow taller?
will i ever keep my straight "A's"?
will i pass my course?
will i get into the school i want?
how's my life going to turn out?
where are you?
why won't my parent love me?
why won't he love me?
why won't she love me?
why did he die?
why did she die?

With love,
bear bear on behalf of the world

lil baby

aw poor lil baby! the fat guy looks like kor kor when he is sleeping.

with love and lack-of-beauty sleep,

bear bear

"yes we can" learn english

As President Barack Obama slowly rolls out his stimulus package, students in Japan are learning english based on the speeches that he had made. Isn't it interesting? Do they really understand what they are memorizing or are they just purely imitating him? Hmm...

with love,
bear bear

hello 2009

i just realized that this will be my first post of the new year 2009, so here's wishing everyone a great year ahead. yea, i know it's already february and i'm lagging behind since every possible new year celebration out there is probably over by now. Give me a break! January is my month off since i'm january bear bear.


So, what's your new year wish for this year? Jie jie hopes that the economy for this year will improve and the market will be non-BEARish. i was shocked when i heard this at first as i thought that jie jie no longer loves and wants me :( However, when i confronted kor kor, he told me that jie jie has no intention of dumping me. She just hopes to get a job upon graduation and she will have a higher chance of doing so if the economy is non-bearish. It is kind of sad that nobody likes bear bear and even blames the economic downturn on the BEAR market. i will get over it.


As for me, i hope to be loved and cared for by all around me. i also hope for world peace and love to be spread around to everyone. Although this sounds cliche as if i'm in a beauty bear pageant, i really mean it from the bottom of my heart.

Anyway, here are some pictures of my birthday celebration, together with my friends.

Birthday bear cutting birthday cake.

Doesn't the cake look yummy?

It's an apple cake topped with lots of whipped cream.

A picture of my friends and i.

i looked abit squashed in this photo.

so unglamarous!!!

stupid kor kor took this photo -_-"

i am sitting on a newly bought coach bag.

isn't it nice? i love it totally!

jie jie bought it, not for me though.

for herself... hmph!

while i am enjoying sitting on my comfy coach bag,

kitty decided to peek into the camera.

kitty's turn to sit on the bag!

with love,

bear bear